You deserve someone better

In the name of Allah the most Gracious most Merciful

I believe everyone had experience falling in love right?
at least once in their lifetime
Some may have experience heart break
and some may not but may have feel disappointment in life
Disappointment means seeing someone they had a crush on
married to someone else.. kan?

Some people are so loyal that they only let their heart
love only one person in their life
eventhough that person didn't love them back
They didn't want to give themselves a chance to be happy with somebody else
and this kind of person would do anything for them
even by waiting for that person for the rest of their life

people may get impressed with this kind of love
but for me,
it is bad for someone having a faithful heart like that
torturing themselves for someone who didn't even care
and who didn't give a shit for what he/she had been through for them
This kind of person deserves happiness for themselves
and should give themselves a chance to be loved by someone else

So, anyone out there having through hard times
always believe that someone else will appear in your life
someone far more better for you
Always believe that..
 "Allah may take a drop of water from you,
and He save for you the sea".
So, let go of people that leave your life
they are not for you and don't ever think that you will not be happy with anyone else
because you never know what Allah have prepare for you
or what brings you tomorrow.

The time will come,
hardship usually will past and ease will come
always think without hardship you will not value ease
letting go of someone you love is really hard
they said, falling in love is easy, it may happened in a blink of an eye
but forgetting someone you love and the memories took lifetime
I agreed.

But dear readers,
you always heard of "life only once"
So, make the best out of it
there's so much thing to do and to explore in this world
travel, achieve your goal and move on.

I've been through so many heartbreak and disappointment throughout my life
and i've been through loving someone so long that in the end
they married to someone else and currently happy (Im glad they are)
and I have been cheated on, been tricked, been disrespected,
It is hard indeed, I admit I was questioning God for everything that happened before
I blame myself without knowing that it wasn't because of me
but because they are not meant for me, but I was stubborn initially.

However,
Allah is the most forgiving and loving
He always put me back on track
He showed me the way and there's more to be seen than
sitting in your room crying over something that's not worth to be grieve on.
I learned to value myself without needing someone else acceptance
I learned to love people around me more
I grow wiser and I rely more on Allah swt

Hardship makes me near to Him
and time really play a role in changing and moulding me becoming a better person
I am grateful for my past
and I am grateful that Allah sent all these people
making me realised that people will always come and go
and relying on people will end up with disappointment

How did I survived all those heartbreak moment in my life?

Get back on your feet, because nobody will do it for you
and talk to Allah swt, even if you are not in your salah
talk to Him, He will always listen
and be around people you love, family and friends
you are not alone, your world will not fall apart eventhough
someone you love leaves you,
there are more to come, more ahead of you,
be bold, let go and move your ass on.

Ill share what did I do to make myself strong
and how i moved on in my next post insyaAllah.

I used to hate running..

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

I used to hate running during my teenage years
even during my university years, i didn't really like sports activity
However, I played futsal in my first and second year of medical school
that's the only sport that i played that requires me running *laugh
and i never know how i have that interest in the first place *amaze
.....................................

I was an obese girl back then
Since i was a kid, I never had normal BMI
My weight fluctuated from being overweight and obese but never in normal range
That is why running is never my cup of tea

I never enjoyed sports during my school days
because i was afraid being teased
and being laughed at
I had low self-esteem and that makes me hate being in front of people
However, i am grateful that i excelled in academics
Somehow, academic makes me confident about myself
and some people didn't dare to tease me about it

So, throughout the years
i always focus on my academic rather than Cocuriculum
which is not really good because an excellent student should
excell in all areas kan?
But it didnt bother me at all. hahahaha. I didn't care. lol

Fast forward, I was 16 years old
and during that time, i realised its time to lose weight
so, I decided to start on diet (unhealthy diet) and hiking with cuzzie
Alhamdulillah i lost 10 kg's but couldn't recall the timing period
I became thinner but still overweight and still didn't enjoy sports in school. hahaha

Since then, I maintained my weight until i entered university
but i gained few kg's in USM, mybe due to stress and etc
after graduated from med school
staying at home without doing anything very much easier to put on weight
I was in denial phase for a few months
thinking my weight was okay and i still look good
but the reality was, I am overweight almost obese and i look ugly!
sometimes i didn't want to go out because i was embarassed that people might
talk behind me *padahal xda pun overrr*

So, how did i began to enjoy running then?
long story short, my father was so into cycling this year
but somehow, he has a health condition that requires him to stop cycling for a moment
so, he took a break for awhile and starts walking and jogging
He dragged me along every morning to sports complex to accompany him
I did not refused to my father's offer because I very much want to support him on this
So, I followed him every morning

Initially, I was into gym and rope skipping
since I didn't like cardio activity
so, i rather choose hiking and crossfit *weight lifting*
I did it for about 2 months but didn't see any good results on my body
mybe because of my diet intake and lack of motivation
skip that part..
then, I decided to follow my father and tried running
I was soooo lazy initially, and started walking and on and off running
I ran 1km and then the next day walking, then running, then walking and the cycle continues
but then, one day I decided to challenge myself
to increase the distance and improve timing
day by day passed... my breathing improved, I ran even faster and even further!!

and now, im able to finished 4km within 30 mins and each lap less than 8 mins!
how cool is that for someone that hates running?!
Im not bragging about this but I was saying that
sometimes, you might hate something because you are not good at it
but if you never tried, you never know how far you could go. seriously!
So, if you ever feel that you are not talented in certain areas,
you should tried it first and try to work on it.
It took sometime for me to be able to come to this far,
and success didn't come in a day, consistent, patience and dicipline is the key to it

So, never give up on something that you believe you had no talent on it
just go for it, give it a try,
everyone have their own potential
but if you think you still can't do it
then you can always find other things to do that you're good at
as long as you had work on it, there's no regret.

Currently, im in a process of losing weight
and keep on challenge myself to achieve 5km run,
may Allah ease everything and makes me persistent eveyday,
I hope this post inspire you and let's work on improving ourselves!

till then.

I graduated!

Praise Belong to Allah swt.

I am a doctor Alhamdulillah.
Not yet practicing but soon insyaAllah.
Graduated in october 2016, and currently still waiting to serve the nation.
5 years jouney in medical school had me ups and down
bittersweet memories with friends, lecturers, patients and foster family.
I never thought this day will come
where i sit on my bed, thinking of what to do on the next day
as my usual daily routine in USM was studying, going to the ward and attending classes.

but now, everything seems so different
so free and so comforting being at home
im home for 5 months already
and a lot of things happen within these 5 months!
Things that makes me mature and wiser than before
Alhamdulillah for all of these
I had no words to describe how thankful i am today
for being able to go through all the hardships and great moments in the past
Allah SWT is The Most loving and forgiving :')

at this age, I had a lot of things that I had wished for,
graduated, loving family and friends, and soon building my own career...
I had so many plans ahead of me,
and I hope that all my plan will be ease by Him.
He still the best planner of all...

2017 is coming,
I haven't had any mission for 2017 yet,
gonna wrote it down soon insyaAllah.
Since every mak cik had asked when will i get married?
to be honest, as soon as possible. but prince charming is nowhere to be found. >.<
Pray for me, so that i found someone who's willing to spend his whole life treating this bubbly, stubborn-head lady.

Patient as my teacher

Peace be upon you,
May Allah blessed you readers,

I will be in charge in gynecology ward starting tomorrow.
We were supposed to have a class with Prof P on principle of chemotherapy and radiotherapy today. However, it was postponed to other slot because Prof was attending an operation today.

Then my friend and I went to pharmacy to get the meds for our friend, Joy.
She's not feeling very well these few days. Doc said she was having acute gastroenteristis.
It was around 2.45pm at that time after we done with getting the meds and decided to go to the gyne ward in 1 Utara to cover case for tomorrow's round.

I felt so sad leaving Obstetric ward as I really love talking to pregnant mothers. They were always happy and excited to talk about their pregnancy. So far, none of the patient refuse to talk to me. I love seeing their baby bump. It just gives me some sort of motherly mood. ;) *sindrom tak sabar nak ada anak*

Changing to gyne ward makes me feel sad. Gyne ward placed a lot of sad cases. Mostly cancer, miscarriage, fibroid and etc.

Today I met N. One of my patient that i clerked for tomorrow's round. A beautiful young patient, we are at the same age. She is currently pursuing diploma as dental technologist which supposed to be in her last sem this year. She was presented with abdominal mass since July 15. The mass gradually increase in size however she was 'okay'. The mas did not cause any signs or symptoms. She was worried of it and went to visit the klinik pesakit luar HRPZ in Feb 15 and refered here to HUSM.

I examined her tummy and find out the mass was exactly larger than i was expected. She was not in pain. Her mother was beside her looking worried seeing me palpating her tummy. She even asked "does it feel pain?". My patient just shook her head saying it wasn't painful.

I met another friend in my medical posting previously too. He's at my age. He was previously a photographer and stopped a year ago due to osteosarcoma. A very positive person and a good people. :)  He had to stop working and his interest in photography because of the illness. How sad was it? We became a good friend and I followed his case till now. I was impressed with his spirit to get better and he always inspire others who have similar illness as him. A very good person i tell you ;)

Being medical student sometimes makes me ponder upon my own life. Seeing patient with same age as me having underlying medical illness just makes me feel that I should be grateful of what I have now. I always think that my life is incomplete and felt unfortunate that I didn't have what i want not what I should have. Having a good health is a thing that should be grateful for. But to some people, money and properties are far more valuable than health and love. Money cannot buy both my dear. When you have billion dollars but you can't even move your body, how is it possible for it to make you happy?

However, to all patient that are having difficulties now, always remember that the Allah gives the hardest battle to His strongest soldier. You guys are the chosen one. Allah will forgives your sin with with every pain that you suffers from the illness. He loves you and wants you to remember Him. Verily that "every hardship comes ease". :)  

Dear patient, sister/brother,
you know what?
I always feel grateful that I met you
Seeing how strong you guys are
able to undergo all those challenges that God has given to you
All those painful procedure that you've gone through
and your sacrifices for all your dreams
I just couldn't imagine if I was in your shoes
God chooses the person who are able to endure all of these
as He knows that you will be able to get this through this difficulty with ease
He is there, always, seeing you and loves you
So, don't ever give up on him
He is the one who given this difficulties and
He are the one will get you through

Dear patient,
You are the reason that I still here
continue to finish what I had started
pray for me being a good Doctor,
and...
My prayer is for all of you my patient,
May Allah gives you blessings and His love,
May Allah strengthen you and cure your illness.
He knows better. stay strong dear.