I wanted to be a doctor for real

Peace be upon you,

I have been busy for the past weeks
just went back from Miri to visit my bestfriends
and been trying hard to save money by selling cinnamon roll
Alhamdulillah, so many people help me to promote it
im so thankful and may Allah swt bless them all. :')

I still don't know when exactly the time for me
to start my HOship
My friend and I still hoping we start to work on april
there's so many rumors circulate around saying eHOmen
will be open at the end of this march.

I hope its gonna be true
I really wanted to start working asap
I can't wait any longer
the more we wait, the more weak our skills will become
it is so frustrating to unable to practice medicine after graduating
I admit I feel really good just being at home and unemployed
but at the same time, i feel bad for unable to utilize all the medical knowledge
into a practice. And they said lazy brain will caused you to have risk to get alzheimer (nyanyuk)
So, it is important to always have critical thinking to have a good brain.
*Being home just makes me feel lazy to read, lazy to study and utilizing my brain. LOL

I miss being in the ward
I miss talking to patient
listening to their story made me realise that I should be grateful
for whatever I have and seeing them back on their feet again very much makes me happy
I miss having a discussion with friends deciding the right diagnosis
I miss going to class and learned new things from my lecturer
and moreee!
I know that this feeling will change too one day
some of my friends said, you will feel disgusted and stressed with your job
and wish to be back unemployed since you will be on your lowest hierachy in medical field
where people will blame you though it is not your fault (ppl will always find a person to blame on)
where patient will disrespect you, and didn't believe in you since you are a new doctor
you might be bully by the senior and other endless shitty things that can break you down.
*stay strong heart*

I think it is not wrong to miss something that you used to do before
and this is just a temporary stop,
I will eventually be in that phase again where tears will be my loyal companion,
for the time being, I wanted to enjoy this moment at home,
with all my friends and family,
and keep praying that I would get my placement faster in the best Hospital for me, insyaAllah.

Prayer from all of you are much welcomed. Thank youuu :)

-drfina-

Embrace the present

"Maybe you lose one thing to gain another thing that is better for you. Sometimes we just can't have all of it together. Didn't Allah said, we may think that thing is good for us but it is not, and we may think it is bad for us, but it is actually good for us. In the end, Allah has already plan the best and suited plan for us.

So, learning to let go does not mean we give up. Perhaps it is a good thing to know where to stop and hope and embrace for the present, for what is within our reach, and make the best out of it.

Jadi bagi jiwa yang sentiasa bersyukur, seharusnya tiada langsung ruang untuk berasa sempit dan kesedihan di atas kehilangan sesuatu yg tidak hakiki" -Kak Hidayah

:)

Life is like a wheel

Peace be upon you everyone! :)

First of all, praised belong to Allah swt
for all the happiness and blessings :)
I have created another new flavour for my cinnamon roll
It taste so good masyaAllah esp when eaten with dark chocolate topping!
Full of chocolate and to those chocolate lover out there
It will cause an addiction, i warn you >.< kidding. *just being an over-dramatic*
Currently waiting for my friend to critic the new flavour
so that i can improve the dough before i sell it to others :)

I hope everyone gonna love this new flavor
Oh ya, and I did some addition to the filling which is chocolate chip
I am soooo happy it turns out to be good, Alhamdulillah
My family love it too :)

You know,
actually my initial product was not a cinnamon roll
I started my bussines with selling congo bar and brownies
and taking some order for biscuits too
but it doesn't turn out to be like I wanted it to be
Maybe because so many people selling similar item too

I sell congo bar and brownies in one box only for 2 weeks
then, i decided stop doing the box set and delivery
I opt for 1 tray order instead
because I have not many customer at that time
and I still remember who placed their order during that time
I am sooo thankful that they support me  :)
May Allah swt bless them.. :')

I then stopped doing bussines for awhile
because I wanted to focus on my SPA interview..
I just took request order rather than opening for COD
After SPA interview, I decided to start again
and wanted to try cinnamon roll since i never saw people sell it here in Labuan
Plus, I wanted to save some money too, to visit my bestfriends :)

So, what I wanted to say here is...
You might not be succesful on your furst step of doing something
but never stop trying and analyze why that happened..
Then, start again and again and again and again
until you achieve your goal :)
Never stop pray to Allah too, because He is the one who will give you the success :)

And when you are on top of your career
never look down on people
because life can turn upside down in a blink of an eye
anything can happen. *note to self*
stay humble and always be kind whenever how hard life hits you *note to self*
I can sometimes be so weak that I let my emotion control over me.
It is important to always be calm and don't let anything brings you down
you may be failed at first attempt but always believe something bigger awaits you :)
stay positive, and proved to the people that you can be successful too
but but but, remember that success doesn't come without effort
work hard and leave the rest to Allah swt :)

For me, if people treat you bad, say bad things to you
the best revenge is to show them that you are capable of doing great things
that will eventually cause them to shut their mouth.
Keep believing in yourself, people. Everyone have their own potential to shine. Have faith :)

-self-reflection-

Write down your thoughts

Peace be upon you readers :)

I love writing
Writing makes me feel free
pouring out everything that I feel in a diary very much help me
in releasing anger, sadness or even happiness
because some personal things just can't be share with other people
it is hard to trust people nowadays
so, the best way to release your stress or anger is by putting it into words
either on a piece of paper /electronic devices

I found that by writing
i feel much better because you can write everything you feel freely
since no one gonna read it except you
and you can always erased it later when you feel you need to *laugh*

I like writing so much that I usually write everywhere
sometimes in my phone, ipad, diary/journal and etc *lol*
and when i get bored, sometimes i read it back
not to get back into the past but,
 to remind myself back that, how far i've been go through this life
sometimes I laugh to myself
how stupid i was back then, getting sad or anger on silly things
but that is how i learned to become a better person

time very much change everything
growth and change takes time
just like Allah swt created the time for the babies to achieved certain growth level
all perfectly well-planned by Allah swt
and i realised sometimes, Allah swt put me into similar  hardship
because by persistent repetition, that is how I grow and remember better

back to writing again... Im going out of topic pula.
I usually write in english, I love writing in english
because Im bad at this language
so, in order to improve this language, i choose to write in english
and even listen to english lecture or movies to increase my vocab capacity ;)

what I usually write?
hurm.. i write very much about everything
sometimes I picked up some good phrase from people
and write it in my HP or paste it on anywhere i able to see often
because i get easily inspired by words
I write about my life in my own journal
or shared some inspiring stories from other people

I think writing has been one of my coping method for stress
it is effective for me, but not for all of us
some people didn't know how to express their feeling through writing
I prefer writing than telling people about what I feel
only to some people that i feel very near to me
and i'm comfortable with, that I usually tell them my story
To those people that are near to me, the one that I usually look for
thank you so much for being there, for listening when i need you
I hope Allah swt grant you what you wished for in life :)
All of you will always be in my prayer...

You know who you are :)

A good end

Peace be upon you dear reader, :)

Im now feeling sleepy but trying hard to fight it
I woke up at 4am this morning
making my friend's cinnamon roll for her office party
Gonna take power nap in the afternoon later :)

I've been hearing sad news these days
people passed away, friend's family, friend's of friend and etc...
Thinking about it often, about death...
I mean, not suicidal thought though *laugh*
but, some self-reminder of how short our life is kan?
Every living will face death
and return to the One created us.

Everytime i heard people passed away,
i said to myself, am i ready? am i good enough to enter jannah?
of course, no one wanted to be in hell kan?
everyone aim to enter jannah..
but am i worth enough for jannah?
Do my good deeds are enough to enter His paradise?
*sigh*

Do you know about the story of late Dr Idzni who've been fighting
for renal cancer but still striving hard to live and keep spreading positive words to people?
I never know her in person,
I only know her through her post in ig, and her viral story in FB
She was recently married for 1 year and she died on her 1st anniversary
She was such a strong soul
when she died, a loooottt of people spreading good words about her
misses her and wishing good prayer for her..
So many people love her and admire her strength getting through the disease

Even I, myself affected by her passing...
I never know her in person but I feel sad too...
Good people will always be loved by others
will always be in other's prayer...
She left everyone with grace and love.

I very much wanted to be remember as a good person too when I died later,
I hope I did enough kindness and I hope when i leave later
people will get inspire with what i did or shared in this world
and will help me get through into jannah, amiinn.
Sometimes you never know, one small deed will change Allah's decision for you in akhirah.
So, don't underestimate the power of good deed even by only feeding the stray animal,
little that we know, the animal might ask Allah to put us into jannah :)  Wallahualam.

-sinner-

Can I be both?

Peace be upon you reader :)

I started my small home bussines again yesterday
I've been thinking to sell cinnamon roll since long ago
but i'm hesitate to do it initially because i thought
no one gonna buy it since not everyone are fond of cinnamon
Little that I know actually a lot of people in my hometown
love to eat the cinnamon roll.. lol
and first day of opening the order, a lot of people requested for it
MasyaAllah, i never expect it to be this so called 'hot selling item' :)
Praise belong to him :)

Back to the story of my home bussines
Since I graduated and not working
i've been trying to start small home bakery
baking some cakes, biscuits, brownies
and most of my customer ordered this through my mom
I made for wedding's door gift, for friend's birthday
made for a friend and some other events like chinese new year celebration and Eid.

I really really really love baking
I like to try new stuff, watching videos of it, googling some interesting recipes,
and I love to feed my families and friends from what I bake
It's normal to have negative feedback sometime
but that is how I learned to improve my baking skill :)
Btw, i never took any baking class before
I learned all from youtubes and reading through the internet
because i can't afford it since im still not working
I really love to but when I surveyed the tuition fees
I need at least rm300 and above to pay for the class
I have no money to pay for it, so the easiest way is to use what I have and learned from it
Im not that expert in this compare to other baker i see from ig and fb
but I never feel that I less than any of them
instead i always inspired by their products
and feel like to follow their steps too
slowly, but surely :)

You know, since graduating from medical school
i feel like doing both
be a doctor and a baker at the same time
how I wish I can be both
Like i've always dream to have my own bakery shop
where you can enjoy reading books, chilling
and having a cup of hot coffee with a sweet desert
and enjoy some leisure time with your favourite person.
Don't laugh but I also wanted to pursue
culinary arts in overseas one day in the near future
like taking a break for awhile from my job
and take short courses in culinary :)
Aaaaaaaaa... so much dream to fullfill...

However, I love my career as a doctor too
I wanted to pursue in obstetric and gynaecology and
planned to open my own specialist clinic in my hometown
for all pregnant mothers and teenagers
am i being too greedy?
I wanted to do both...
can I?
Dream will always be a dream
some things can't co-exist together
you need to choose which one is your priority
I can still bake while im not working *sigh*
but I can't open my own bakery as...
my first priority is to save a life.

I guess i can be both in heaven
If i am worth for jannah *insert sad emojis*

Anyhow, prayer from anyone of you reading this
very much welcome :)
I really need it, may I be a good doctor insyaAllah and be able to achieve my dream. Amiinn.

-Dr 1st, baker 2nd-

                                           I presented to you some of my lil babies :)

Know your value

Peace be upon you dear readers,

This post I wrote dedicated for sisters out there,

Have you ever be in a position where you contemplating between letting go of people or to just stay?
Thinking will it be worth it to stay, to try hard or to just follow the flow without foresee what you wanted in the future?

I tell you sisters,
If you think those relationship are'nt going to be anywhere
and not seeing the clear picture what your aim for the future
it is better to leave as soon as possible before things going to be really hard
because the longer it takes for you to realise that its not gonna worth it
its gonna hurt really bad, i assured you.

You know,
women heart are as soft as cotton candy
maybe softer than that
they can be easily impressed, moved and even easily to win with good words and care
It is fitrah to need someone to be there always
but it is important to always realise that in anything you do
you should have something to achieved in a relationship that you're in now
Not just having someone to chat or talk
just to fill up your leisure time. No no

Dear sisters,
be clear what you want in life
Never ever settle for less,
be bold and never ever give up on finding someone that brave enough
to let you to be into their life,
who've never missed putting you in their future plan
and towards achieving blessed relationship, marriage.

Never ever feel that you are less than anyone else if they don't choose you
because, always believe that someone better is coming
and whatever happens, don't stop improving yourself day by day
always know that you are precious in the eye of beholder :)
Everyone will have their own happiness, keep believing and hoping and praying.

So, sisters,
be brave to ask your partner
be clear to them and always be honest
but never stop being kind to others.
because you never know what they've been through,
have patience as always remember that Allah loves the sabireen. <3 p="">Stay calm and redha.

The moment you took the decision to stop chasing for people acceptance
that is when you know that you are not dependable to other accept Allah swt.
Know your value and don't let others deceived you by their word and action.

May Allah swt makes us sisters among the blessed people and may He makes us istiqomah in this deen. amiin.

Lets always remind each other how precious we are and keep spreading positive words.
Berlapang dada lah :)

-Dr Fina-
<3 p="">-dedicated esp to myself-

Overcoming sadness

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Hi readers, (if i do have one)
As I promised in my previous post
I wanted to share how i moved on with my life
after undergoing tribulation / hardship in life
be it, heartbreak, disappointment, failure and etc

Im sure everyone have their own coping method
and stay with what you think suits you okay?
Im not an expert but Im gonna share mine..

1) Talk to someone
It is important to have someone to talk to. Approach your friend that you can trust and rely on. It is hard to share problem with others but this is one good thing to do because whenever we feel sad, we are unable to think straight. Thus, by sharing it with someone, they might give you some powerful advices that will help you to find solutions to your problem. It is also important to choose the right person to tell to because some people are not a good listener. So, choose wisely and trust me you will feel much better. Please don't shut yourself in your room, it will make things difficult for you. So, seek help and don't hesitate to talk.

Meanwhile, when you are the one who being approach by a friend in need, what you need to do is just lend your ears. Sometimes, people just want you to listen to them, eventhough you have no words to say to them. Be a good listener kay?

2) Surround yourself with positive people, family and friends
As I mentioned before, don't shut yourself out from people. You may need some time for yourself, but not too long. You need to go out with family and friends to lift up your spirit back. Socialize with other people that makes you feel good about yourself. Positive vibe is infectious. Just don't let one person ruin your life. Don't let people who do so little for you control so much of your mind, feelings and emotion. Not worth it!

3) Cry
It is okay to let your emotion pour out on the beginning. You are not robot and crying is one of the best method to let everythings out. Even our beloved prophet cried during khadijah's passing. So, it is okay to cry but always remind yourself, dont grieve too long, it is not good for your eye :) . wipe your tears and be ready to stand back up.

4) Travel, explore outside world, meet new people
This is definitely a very good method for me. Travel heals everything. Go travel, explore other places, be lost, be exhausted, have a good food, meet new people. Travel makes you forget everything and enjoy your journey along the way. If it doesn't work for you, travel more, travel longer. Sometimes, you need to be somewhere far to find back who you are and what your purpose of life. You will get back on track, be sure of that okay?

5) Prostration
The One who will heal everything is God. God is the one who will mend your broken heart. We planned but He is indeed still the best planner of all. Putting hope on other than God will eventually hurt you. Thus, always seek for Him whenever you faced tribulations/hardship because Only Him will give your the strength and solutions to overcome it. Put your trust in Allah and always talk to him. I believe everyone want to be a strong person. So, do you think you'll get stronger without having a hardship? Think about it, hardship is meant to boost up your endurance level so that you'll be able to face greater challenge ahead of you :) Cry to him, get back to him, as He is the most Loving and Most forgiving to His servant.

6) Make yourself busy
Last but not least, try to make full of yourself by doing some beneficial activities. For me, I like to do some physical activities such as going to the gym for weightlifting, hiking, running and rope jump. Exercise makes your body release happy hormone called endorphine which is also a natural painkiller. The hormone will boost your mood and you'll feel better. You can do other various activities to make you forget the pain such as by doing volunteerism or watching some of your favourite movies and dramas. Just make yourself busy, then it'll be fine.

7) Let time heal everything
Last but not least, forgetting something painful will not take only a day. It may took months or even years. It is hard to forget something that once meaningful to you. The memories will played repeatedly on your mind. But as the time flies, memories will fade and one day you'll realise that you feel more calm than before. So, don't force yourself to forget but try to make peace with your past and learnt from it. Believe that everything happens for a reason and glad tidings is waiting for someone who's always patience. Allah love the sabireen. :)

.

So, that's all i wanna share with you. You may have more better ways of overcoming sadness. If you do, pls share with me! I hope this post can help anyone out there who are currently in a process of healing their heart. I pray that Allah swt provide for you solutions from whatever hardship that you are facing now. Stay strong. :)

Lastly, i leave you readers with one ayat from Quran to be pondered upon.

" Allah doesn't burden a soul without it can bear"

-DrFina-

You deserve someone better

In the name of Allah the most Gracious most Merciful

I believe everyone had experience falling in love right?
at least once in their lifetime
Some may have experience heart break
and some may not but may have feel disappointment in life
Disappointment means seeing someone they had a crush on
married to someone else.. kan?

Some people are so loyal that they only let their heart
love only one person in their life
eventhough that person didn't love them back
They didn't want to give themselves a chance to be happy with somebody else
and this kind of person would do anything for them
even by waiting for that person for the rest of their life

people may get impressed with this kind of love
but for me,
it is bad for someone having a faithful heart like that
torturing themselves for someone who didn't even care
and who didn't give a shit for what he/she had been through for them
This kind of person deserves happiness for themselves
and should give themselves a chance to be loved by someone else

So, anyone out there having through hard times
always believe that someone else will appear in your life
someone far more better for you
Always believe that..
 "Allah may take a drop of water from you,
and He save for you the sea".
So, let go of people that leave your life
they are not for you and don't ever think that you will not be happy with anyone else
because you never know what Allah have prepare for you
or what brings you tomorrow.

The time will come,
hardship usually will past and ease will come
always think without hardship you will not value ease
letting go of someone you love is really hard
they said, falling in love is easy, it may happened in a blink of an eye
but forgetting someone you love and the memories took lifetime
I agreed.

But dear readers,
you always heard of "life only once"
So, make the best out of it
there's so much thing to do and to explore in this world
travel, achieve your goal and move on.

I've been through so many heartbreak and disappointment throughout my life
and i've been through loving someone so long that in the end
they married to someone else and currently happy (Im glad they are)
and I have been cheated on, been tricked, been disrespected,
It is hard indeed, I admit I was questioning God for everything that happened before
I blame myself without knowing that it wasn't because of me
but because they are not meant for me, but I was stubborn initially.

However,
Allah is the most forgiving and loving
He always put me back on track
He showed me the way and there's more to be seen than
sitting in your room crying over something that's not worth to be grieve on.
I learned to value myself without needing someone else acceptance
I learned to love people around me more
I grow wiser and I rely more on Allah swt

Hardship makes me near to Him
and time really play a role in changing and moulding me becoming a better person
I am grateful for my past
and I am grateful that Allah sent all these people
making me realised that people will always come and go
and relying on people will end up with disappointment

How did I survived all those heartbreak moment in my life?

Get back on your feet, because nobody will do it for you
and talk to Allah swt, even if you are not in your salah
talk to Him, He will always listen
and be around people you love, family and friends
you are not alone, your world will not fall apart eventhough
someone you love leaves you,
there are more to come, more ahead of you,
be bold, let go and move your ass on.

Ill share what did I do to make myself strong
and how i moved on in my next post insyaAllah.

I used to hate running..

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

I used to hate running during my teenage years
even during my university years, i didn't really like sports activity
However, I played futsal in my first and second year of medical school
that's the only sport that i played that requires me running *laugh
and i never know how i have that interest in the first place *amaze
.....................................

I was an obese girl back then
Since i was a kid, I never had normal BMI
My weight fluctuated from being overweight and obese but never in normal range
That is why running is never my cup of tea

I never enjoyed sports during my school days
because i was afraid being teased
and being laughed at
I had low self-esteem and that makes me hate being in front of people
However, i am grateful that i excelled in academics
Somehow, academic makes me confident about myself
and some people didn't dare to tease me about it

So, throughout the years
i always focus on my academic rather than Cocuriculum
which is not really good because an excellent student should
excell in all areas kan?
But it didnt bother me at all. hahahaha. I didn't care. lol

Fast forward, I was 16 years old
and during that time, i realised its time to lose weight
so, I decided to start on diet (unhealthy diet) and hiking with cuzzie
Alhamdulillah i lost 10 kg's but couldn't recall the timing period
I became thinner but still overweight and still didn't enjoy sports in school. hahaha

Since then, I maintained my weight until i entered university
but i gained few kg's in USM, mybe due to stress and etc
after graduated from med school
staying at home without doing anything very much easier to put on weight
I was in denial phase for a few months
thinking my weight was okay and i still look good
but the reality was, I am overweight almost obese and i look ugly!
sometimes i didn't want to go out because i was embarassed that people might
talk behind me *padahal xda pun overrr*

So, how did i began to enjoy running then?
long story short, my father was so into cycling this year
but somehow, he has a health condition that requires him to stop cycling for a moment
so, he took a break for awhile and starts walking and jogging
He dragged me along every morning to sports complex to accompany him
I did not refused to my father's offer because I very much want to support him on this
So, I followed him every morning

Initially, I was into gym and rope skipping
since I didn't like cardio activity
so, i rather choose hiking and crossfit *weight lifting*
I did it for about 2 months but didn't see any good results on my body
mybe because of my diet intake and lack of motivation
skip that part..
then, I decided to follow my father and tried running
I was soooo lazy initially, and started walking and on and off running
I ran 1km and then the next day walking, then running, then walking and the cycle continues
but then, one day I decided to challenge myself
to increase the distance and improve timing
day by day passed... my breathing improved, I ran even faster and even further!!

and now, im able to finished 4km within 30 mins and each lap less than 8 mins!
how cool is that for someone that hates running?!
Im not bragging about this but I was saying that
sometimes, you might hate something because you are not good at it
but if you never tried, you never know how far you could go. seriously!
So, if you ever feel that you are not talented in certain areas,
you should tried it first and try to work on it.
It took sometime for me to be able to come to this far,
and success didn't come in a day, consistent, patience and dicipline is the key to it

So, never give up on something that you believe you had no talent on it
just go for it, give it a try,
everyone have their own potential
but if you think you still can't do it
then you can always find other things to do that you're good at
as long as you had work on it, there's no regret.

Currently, im in a process of losing weight
and keep on challenge myself to achieve 5km run,
may Allah ease everything and makes me persistent eveyday,
I hope this post inspire you and let's work on improving ourselves!

till then.

I graduated!

Praise Belong to Allah swt.

I am a doctor Alhamdulillah.
Not yet practicing but soon insyaAllah.
Graduated in october 2016, and currently still waiting to serve the nation.
5 years jouney in medical school had me ups and down
bittersweet memories with friends, lecturers, patients and foster family.
I never thought this day will come
where i sit on my bed, thinking of what to do on the next day
as my usual daily routine in USM was studying, going to the ward and attending classes.

but now, everything seems so different
so free and so comforting being at home
im home for 5 months already
and a lot of things happen within these 5 months!
Things that makes me mature and wiser than before
Alhamdulillah for all of these
I had no words to describe how thankful i am today
for being able to go through all the hardships and great moments in the past
Allah SWT is The Most loving and forgiving :')

at this age, I had a lot of things that I had wished for,
graduated, loving family and friends, and soon building my own career...
I had so many plans ahead of me,
and I hope that all my plan will be ease by Him.
He still the best planner of all...

2017 is coming,
I haven't had any mission for 2017 yet,
gonna wrote it down soon insyaAllah.
Since every mak cik had asked when will i get married?
to be honest, as soon as possible. but prince charming is nowhere to be found. >.<
Pray for me, so that i found someone who's willing to spend his whole life treating this bubbly, stubborn-head lady.

Patient as my teacher

Peace be upon you,
May Allah blessed you readers,

I will be in charge in gynecology ward starting tomorrow.
We were supposed to have a class with Prof P on principle of chemotherapy and radiotherapy today. However, it was postponed to other slot because Prof was attending an operation today.

Then my friend and I went to pharmacy to get the meds for our friend, Joy.
She's not feeling very well these few days. Doc said she was having acute gastroenteristis.
It was around 2.45pm at that time after we done with getting the meds and decided to go to the gyne ward in 1 Utara to cover case for tomorrow's round.

I felt so sad leaving Obstetric ward as I really love talking to pregnant mothers. They were always happy and excited to talk about their pregnancy. So far, none of the patient refuse to talk to me. I love seeing their baby bump. It just gives me some sort of motherly mood. ;) *sindrom tak sabar nak ada anak*

Changing to gyne ward makes me feel sad. Gyne ward placed a lot of sad cases. Mostly cancer, miscarriage, fibroid and etc.

Today I met N. One of my patient that i clerked for tomorrow's round. A beautiful young patient, we are at the same age. She is currently pursuing diploma as dental technologist which supposed to be in her last sem this year. She was presented with abdominal mass since July 15. The mass gradually increase in size however she was 'okay'. The mas did not cause any signs or symptoms. She was worried of it and went to visit the klinik pesakit luar HRPZ in Feb 15 and refered here to HUSM.

I examined her tummy and find out the mass was exactly larger than i was expected. She was not in pain. Her mother was beside her looking worried seeing me palpating her tummy. She even asked "does it feel pain?". My patient just shook her head saying it wasn't painful.

I met another friend in my medical posting previously too. He's at my age. He was previously a photographer and stopped a year ago due to osteosarcoma. A very positive person and a good people. :)  He had to stop working and his interest in photography because of the illness. How sad was it? We became a good friend and I followed his case till now. I was impressed with his spirit to get better and he always inspire others who have similar illness as him. A very good person i tell you ;)

Being medical student sometimes makes me ponder upon my own life. Seeing patient with same age as me having underlying medical illness just makes me feel that I should be grateful of what I have now. I always think that my life is incomplete and felt unfortunate that I didn't have what i want not what I should have. Having a good health is a thing that should be grateful for. But to some people, money and properties are far more valuable than health and love. Money cannot buy both my dear. When you have billion dollars but you can't even move your body, how is it possible for it to make you happy?

However, to all patient that are having difficulties now, always remember that the Allah gives the hardest battle to His strongest soldier. You guys are the chosen one. Allah will forgives your sin with with every pain that you suffers from the illness. He loves you and wants you to remember Him. Verily that "every hardship comes ease". :)  

Dear patient, sister/brother,
you know what?
I always feel grateful that I met you
Seeing how strong you guys are
able to undergo all those challenges that God has given to you
All those painful procedure that you've gone through
and your sacrifices for all your dreams
I just couldn't imagine if I was in your shoes
God chooses the person who are able to endure all of these
as He knows that you will be able to get this through this difficulty with ease
He is there, always, seeing you and loves you
So, don't ever give up on him
He is the one who given this difficulties and
He are the one will get you through

Dear patient,
You are the reason that I still here
continue to finish what I had started
pray for me being a good Doctor,
and...
My prayer is for all of you my patient,
May Allah gives you blessings and His love,
May Allah strengthen you and cure your illness.
He knows better. stay strong dear.

Bucketlist

1. Umrah/Hajj with family 

2. Having a house full of cats

3. O&G specialist 

4. Pass Pro 3

5. Playing with snow

6. Flying Fox

7. Backpacker

8. Travel with friends

9. Own some property worth a billion ringgit

10. Being a good doctor :)

11. Dolphin 

12. Hugging panda

13. Visit Turki 

14. Hot air baloon

Dear patient

Praised belong to Allah swt.

First of all i would like to wish you happy new year 2016!

I hope everyone have a clear vision and mission for this upcoming year.

Im in my second week of medical posting currently

Theres nothing much different than my year 4 posting except for new supervisor and some new posting which is hematological ward posting.

So far, i am still trying my best to catch-up myself with all the disease seen in the ward.

Final year is no joke

People already started to visualize us as a doctor

And we try our best to potray to the patients and our lecturers that we are capable of being a 'safe doctor'.

Sometimes, at some point in our life we felt exhausted and frustrated with ourselves. My lecturer told me, we are not a robot. We also a human, just like you. We have emotion, and it is normal to feel that way. Sometimes, we need a break to sort things out and to get ourselves back together. 

And it is dangerous to not having any feeling or emotion, as you need it to feel empathy towards your patient and love towards your job. So, cry if you lost your patient, laugh if you feel its funny, fight if you think its necessary for your patient's wellbeing and rest if you feel you had reach your limit.

As for me, medical posting is challenging in a way of keeping myself continuously revising all the important common diseases and its management. Yes, it is challenging to remember all of it. Sometimes, i feel like my brain exploding with all of this info's and need to vomit it all back to relieved the loads. 

Dear patient,

Being a doctor is not easy..

This journey never been easy..

Let me tell you how the journey be like...

We were told to 'do no harm' to you

We were told to do 'justice' to you

We hold to this oath & principle in our heart

Treating you would be like treating our family members

So, losing you would also be like losing to our own family members

In order to not losing lives in our hand

We need to burn midnight oil to make sure we are equipped with adequate knowledge 

For that took us to sacrifice a lot of things in our life

Relationships, family, hobby, rest, eating and even a time for ourself

So dear patient,

A sense of gratitude from you

Will be more than enough for us

To feel good about ourselves and to lift our spirit back during our bad days

And what makes us more happy is..

Seeing you being able to smile again

And waiving to us saying goodbye leaving us in a good condition.

That is all we need..

District with my girls

Bismillah...

Community med posting in pasir mas has ended.

Such a wonderful 2 weeks experience in district especially with my babes all in one apartment.

I get a good food, good sleep, good care, good time with all of them. We did the dishes, cook and bake together. Theres soo many wonderful and good memories with them. I love each and everyone of my girls. They are like my own sister.

I miss loudness of the house. Playing card (bluff) with em. Singing and dancing together before sleep. Doing anaest report while listening to our fav song together. Teasing and laughing at each other. Fooling and goofing around. Omg... Soo many fun things we've done together. Not to forget when we felt incomplete when one of us fall sick. And how concern we were to each and everyone of us.

To all my girls,
U guys brought sun to my gloomy day,
Brought smile to my frowning face,
Brought the rhythm for me to dance,
Create good memories for me to recall during my old days,

Each of everyone of you are irreplaceable,
Thank you for pouring lots of love in our friendship,
I hope it blooms beautifully as the flowers during the spring,
May Allah blessed and showered all of you with happiness,
As what i remember you guys are.

I hope everyone remember these moments even after we're not together anymore. Even after we met new besrfriends later in our life, never forget the good and bad moment that we shared along our journey together. I love u guys!

Random thought

May peace be upon you,

its been too long already i didn't write anything in my blog. On my previous post, i promised to update on my study trip to Tzu Chi University. but due to time constraint, i am unable to update anything since i am now struggling for my upcoming final which is on this may. I had just finished my 3rd selanjar examination yesterday. Alhamdulillah. Thanks for all the do'a. Allah ease everything for us. May Allah make it easy for us in the final too on this may. Ameen.

Lately,  i've been thinking to shut down my blog. But still in my consideration. Too many stories that i wrote here in my blog. I started my blog since 2010 which i'm at my highschool years at that time. Until now, i am still not very good in handling my blog. Too many flaws here and there. One reason for me having this blog to practice my writing skills in english. I have a very bad english. Still learning through the way. I am trying my best at it.

Now, I'm in my 3rd year. I will be entering clinical years this Sept, insyaAllah. How time flies... It feels like only yesterday I had finished my 1st year. May Allah ease our journey. My friend and I, all together... may we all passed with flying colors.

-fina-

Inexorable Hope 1

Peace be upon u dear readers, :)

Praised belong to God, for giving my friends and I the opportunity to be involve in the surgical training at Tzu Chi University, Hualien, Taiwan on 3-12 December 2013. :)
After all, Allah is the best planner.

I had received email from Tzu chi during the early negotiation with their international officer regarding this silent mentor programme. However, it then end with disappointment when they say only 2 of us will be accepted to attend the programme. The disappointment continue after our appeal also being denied. Everyone was disappointed. I felt very frustrated when it turned out to be 'not me' who are the one will be attending this programme. I cried... I want it so bad... My group which comprise of 2 guys and 3 ladies (including me) decided to split up since two of the ladies will be going there based on the random vote. I guess it wasn't my luck on that day. So, the two guys and me were planning to do a research regarding parasite in Malaysia.

One of our method to get an information for our research is going to visit the one and only parasite museum in the world, Meguro Parasitology Museum, Japan. Since our supervisor encourage us to take a step further and this was the only chance for us to explore the outside world. But still, even though it was not bad at all doing research regarding parasite but my heart was still longing for the 'silent mentor' programme. Hoping that I am the one attending the programme. Somehow, we are just human, not everything that we want is good for us. I believe everything happens for a reason. I keep on praying so that there were still a chance for 3 of us. I keep on praying until one day I stopped and start accepting the fact that only 2 of them will be going. Yes, I move on and redha.

Though I didn't have the chance to attend the programme, I still helping my two friends dealing with Tzu chi through email. Maybe this was my last contribution so that they can do their best and came back to Malaysia with knowledge that can be shared together. :')

to be continue... (I will explain about this programme in my next post, insyaAllah)

Chinese

May peace be upon u dear readers, :)

Today i wanna talk about chinese friends. :)
Actually, since the kindergarden untill now i was surrounded by chinese except during the primary school i was sent to typical malay school. And there was a scarce chinese student indeed.

During the kindergarden i would say i make friends with everyone and it seems to be fun. No hatred or racis towards each other. We play, run and tease each other and dance together (the things that i can reminiscence till today LOL). We even sit together to eat and most of my teacher was chinese too. All i can say was my kindergarden phase was awesome. And i dont have any problems being friends with them.

During the secondary school, i was sent by mother to the sekolah menengah sains labuan (SMSL). But then, during form 2 I decided to leave that school and i was sent to SM ST Anne Convent Labuan (SAC) one of the best girls school in labuan. :) since the school was under the church and goverment, so, most of the students were non- muslim and the numbers of chinese students and malay students were nearly the same.

In SAC, i also found that it was fun having chinese friends. I love them. We learn together, eat together, play together, we undergo PMR and SPM together and we share our stories together. We even had the same tuition place together! We were united together. And it was compulsory for them to come to my house every Hari Raya Eidulfitri. :D I love each of everyone of them. Cheah gin sin, abigail lim, lee kwang ling, danielle clare chua hui ling, shane o neil, thompson yunga, wandee, lim, madelyn ong, Tse lan, sophie foo and more!! :') i miss them. Esp my classmates 4A3 and 5A3. Do u guys know how much i miss u guys? U guys are an awsome one! Irreplaceable.

Now, in USM the environment was the same. But what i can see is that, there was more on racis things happen here. But not everyone was felt the same. Mybe they had their own reason and past experience for being like that. But, Alhmdulillah (praised belong to Allah) everything happens for a reason. At first, i dont really like my groupmate, but now i realised that, hate and love was different. It was more on love. Good always wins the heart. I can see everyone was adapting with these environment as well as my chinese friends too. We began to feel ease and love for each other. I can see that duing PBL now. I felt the competitiveness and it was the one that actually keep me moving on striving for excellence. Being better each day. The most important things was learning with chinese here can occasionally improve my english! And so far, never a friend of mine (chinese) laugh when i was speaking.

Actually, what are the purpose of me writing this kind of stuff?
Dear readers,
If u had chinese friends at school or even college, be-friend with them. We always like to judge a book by its cover (like me). But when u know the content of the book, u will fall for it. Know them and learn how most of them acquired success. Spread the love.

Wassalam,
Fina

Prayer

Prayers (Salat)

Sahih bukhari, Volume 1, Book 8, Number 345:

Narrated Abu Dhar:

Allah's Apostle said, "While I was at Mecca the roof of my house was opened and Gabriel descended, opened my chest, and washed it with Zam-zam water. Then he brought a golden tray full of wisdom and faith and having poured its contents into my chest, he closed it. Then he took my hand and ascended with me to the nearest heaven, when I reached the nearest heaven, Gabriel said to the gatekeeper of the heaven, 'Open (the gate).' The gatekeeper asked, 'Who is it?' Gabriel answered: 'Gabriel.' He asked, 'Is there anyone with you?' Gabriel replied, 'Yes, Muhammad I is with me.' He asked, 'Has he been called?' Gabriel said, 'Yes.' So the gate was opened and we went over the nearest heaven and there we saw a man sitting with some people on his right and some on his left. When he looked towards his right, he laughed and when he looked toward his left he wept. Then he said, 'Welcome! O pious Prophet and pious son.' I asked Gabriel, 'Who is he?' He replied, 'He is Adam and the people on his right and left are the souls of his offspring. Those on his right are the people of Paradise and those on his left are the people of Hell and when he looks towards his right he laughs and when he looks towards his left he weeps.'

Then he ascended with me till he reached the second heaven and he (Gabriel) said to its gatekeeper, 'Open (the gate).' The gatekeeper said to him the same as the gatekeeper of the first heaven had said and he opened the gate. Anas said: "Abu Dhar added that the Prophet met Adam, Idris, Moses, Jesus and Abraham, he (Abu Dhar) did not mention on which heaven they were but he mentioned that he (the Prophet ) met Adarn on the nearest heaven and Abraham on the sixth heaven. Anas said, "When Gabriel along with the Prophet passed by Idris, the latter said, 'Welcome! O pious Prophet and pious brother.' The Prophet asked, 'Who is he?' Gabriel replied, 'He is Idris." The Prophet added, "I passed by Moses and he said, 'Welcome! O pious Prophet and pious brother.' I asked Gabriel, 'Who is he?' Gabriel replied, 'He is Moses.' Then I passed by Jesus and he said, 'Welcome! O pious brother and pious Prophet.' I asked, 'Who is he?' Gabriel replied, 'He is Jesus.

Then I passed by Abraham and he said, 'Welcome! O pious Prophet and pious son.' I asked Gabriel, 'Who is he?' Gabriel replied, 'He is Abraham. The Prophet added, 'Then Gabriel ascended with me to a place where I heard the creaking of the pens." Ibn Hazm and Anas bin Malik said: The Prophet said, "Then Allah enjoined fifty prayers on my followers when I returned with this order of Allah, I passed by Moses who asked me, 'What has Allah enjoined on your followers?' I replied, 'He has enjoined fifty prayers on them.' Moses said, 'Go back to your Lord (and appeal for reduction) for your followers will not be able to bear it.' (So I went back to Allah and requested for reduction) and He reduced it to half. When I passed by Moses again and informed him about it, he said, 'Go back to your Lord as your followers will not be able to bear it.' So I returned to Allah and requested for further reduction and half of it was reduced. I again passed by Moses and he said to me: 'Return to your Lord, for your followers will not be able to bear it. So I returned to Allah and He said, 'These are five prayers and they are all (equal to) fifty (in reward) for My Word does not change.' I returned to Moses and he told me to go back once again. I replied, 'Now I feel shy of asking my Lord again.' Then Gabriel took me till we '' reached Sidrat-il-Muntaha (Lote tree of; the utmost boundry) which was shrouded in colors, indescribable. Then I was admitted into Paradise where I found small (tents or) walls (made) of pearls and its earth was of musk."

An eye-opening...

Peace be upon u readers,

Alhmdulillah (praised be upon Him).
This week we had started our new block which was musculoskeletal block (MSS).
There's a lot more to be covered than i had expected.
anatomy to be revise, physiology and pathophysiology..but im not going to tell u guys about this sort of study things.

Yesterday, was an eye opening day for me. There was something happening yesterday that makes me ponder how great the doctors responsibilities towards their patient or 'strangers'. Ceritanya macam ni....

Yesterday, at 10am I was having follow up for my teeth because few months ago I had a treatment for my teeth. Since the dental clinic is just in front of the HUSM, so, there had been so many people walk in and out of the hospital area.

As I already in a rush situation because I am late for about 10 min for that appointment, I walk faster and passed by all people there. Suddenly, a voice came from nowhere saying "Adik!".
I stopped my pace and I turned around finding where had the voice came from. I saw a middle-age woman stood near the dental clinic building wearing a nice pink baju kurung with a very anxious expression on her face. Our conversation:

The woman : Adik, mintak maaf, akak nak tanye, kalau nak jumpa pakar telinga macamane?

Me: Oh, akak sye pun tak pasti tapi slalunya orang akan pergi klinik rawatan keluarga dulu. Then, baru refer kat klinik pakar telinga. 

The woman: Ye ke adik? sebab anak akak yang ke-2 tu... (sad expression) dia ade masalah telinga dik. sekarang dia tingkatan 2. semakin hari semakin teruk tahap pendengaran anak akak tu. akak pun x tahu kenapa? cikgu kat sekolah pun dah bagitahu akak haritu, pelajaran dia semakin menurun. satu lagi anak akak tu perempuan, akak risau sangat. Sekarang pun bila bercakap dekat macam akak dgn adik ni, dia tak berapa dgr... sbb tu akak nak jumpa pakar telinga.

Apa yg eye-opening nya?? I bet you all maybe a bit confused?
Firstly, what comes on my mind after our conversation is that, why she chose me amongst people that passing by there to ask for that kind of question since that time Im not wearing my white coat. But maybe it is due to my student card that hanging over my neck she thought that I could have known better than anyone else. (but actually I'm not very sure how the procedure should be)

Secondly, I was thinking that, usually, we are not trusting on a stranger to pour out our problems right?
I realised that at first it was just a simple question... but then, when someone already develop a trust to you, they tend to tell you more... This woman I saw yesterday was a mother who wants the best for her daughter. I saw love in her eyes as well as anxiety... All she want is only her daughter to get better whatever it takes.

Thirdly, I realised that this woman hold a hope towards the doctor to cure her daughter. Yesterday, I felt as if I'm the real doctor with a patient came with her complaint. Unfortunately, I was in a rush and can't help that much. A bit dissapointment... Until today I was reflecting myself, being a doctor is not what everyone was thinking like sitting on a chair with own office room (mcm house), relax and getting paid higher, famous and etc. Actually, we bears a very highload of responsible on our shoulder. Our patient's life is on our hand.
Just one simple mistake will cause longlife suffering... It should be perfect.

At the end of the conversation, I saw a hope on her face. She was going to do what I had tell her. She says 'thank you' several times and nodded her head. How she respect me though im just a medical student who was going to get dental treatment on that ordinary day.

Dear medical student, see how high people's hope in us. Don't make our patient lose that hope in us. Be that 1st hope they had at the very first time seeing us remain until the end. Study hard and smart, be a good doctor and respect our patient. Seek for knowledge and don't give up. Everyone always had that potential to achieve what they dreamt for. So, once u r in this pathway, don't look back. Always move forward.

Assalam.
fina