I wanted to be a doctor for real

Peace be upon you,

I have been busy for the past weeks
just went back from Miri to visit my bestfriends
and been trying hard to save money by selling cinnamon roll
Alhamdulillah, so many people help me to promote it
im so thankful and may Allah swt bless them all. :')

I still don't know when exactly the time for me
to start my HOship
My friend and I still hoping we start to work on april
there's so many rumors circulate around saying eHOmen
will be open at the end of this march.

I hope its gonna be true
I really wanted to start working asap
I can't wait any longer
the more we wait, the more weak our skills will become
it is so frustrating to unable to practice medicine after graduating
I admit I feel really good just being at home and unemployed
but at the same time, i feel bad for unable to utilize all the medical knowledge
into a practice. And they said lazy brain will caused you to have risk to get alzheimer (nyanyuk)
So, it is important to always have critical thinking to have a good brain.
*Being home just makes me feel lazy to read, lazy to study and utilizing my brain. LOL

I miss being in the ward
I miss talking to patient
listening to their story made me realise that I should be grateful
for whatever I have and seeing them back on their feet again very much makes me happy
I miss having a discussion with friends deciding the right diagnosis
I miss going to class and learned new things from my lecturer
and moreee!
I know that this feeling will change too one day
some of my friends said, you will feel disgusted and stressed with your job
and wish to be back unemployed since you will be on your lowest hierachy in medical field
where people will blame you though it is not your fault (ppl will always find a person to blame on)
where patient will disrespect you, and didn't believe in you since you are a new doctor
you might be bully by the senior and other endless shitty things that can break you down.
*stay strong heart*

I think it is not wrong to miss something that you used to do before
and this is just a temporary stop,
I will eventually be in that phase again where tears will be my loyal companion,
for the time being, I wanted to enjoy this moment at home,
with all my friends and family,
and keep praying that I would get my placement faster in the best Hospital for me, insyaAllah.

Prayer from all of you are much welcomed. Thank youuu :)

-drfina-

Embrace the present

"Maybe you lose one thing to gain another thing that is better for you. Sometimes we just can't have all of it together. Didn't Allah said, we may think that thing is good for us but it is not, and we may think it is bad for us, but it is actually good for us. In the end, Allah has already plan the best and suited plan for us.

So, learning to let go does not mean we give up. Perhaps it is a good thing to know where to stop and hope and embrace for the present, for what is within our reach, and make the best out of it.

Jadi bagi jiwa yang sentiasa bersyukur, seharusnya tiada langsung ruang untuk berasa sempit dan kesedihan di atas kehilangan sesuatu yg tidak hakiki" -Kak Hidayah

:)

Life is like a wheel

Peace be upon you everyone! :)

First of all, praised belong to Allah swt
for all the happiness and blessings :)
I have created another new flavour for my cinnamon roll
It taste so good masyaAllah esp when eaten with dark chocolate topping!
Full of chocolate and to those chocolate lover out there
It will cause an addiction, i warn you >.< kidding. *just being an over-dramatic*
Currently waiting for my friend to critic the new flavour
so that i can improve the dough before i sell it to others :)

I hope everyone gonna love this new flavor
Oh ya, and I did some addition to the filling which is chocolate chip
I am soooo happy it turns out to be good, Alhamdulillah
My family love it too :)

You know,
actually my initial product was not a cinnamon roll
I started my bussines with selling congo bar and brownies
and taking some order for biscuits too
but it doesn't turn out to be like I wanted it to be
Maybe because so many people selling similar item too

I sell congo bar and brownies in one box only for 2 weeks
then, i decided stop doing the box set and delivery
I opt for 1 tray order instead
because I have not many customer at that time
and I still remember who placed their order during that time
I am sooo thankful that they support me  :)
May Allah swt bless them.. :')

I then stopped doing bussines for awhile
because I wanted to focus on my SPA interview..
I just took request order rather than opening for COD
After SPA interview, I decided to start again
and wanted to try cinnamon roll since i never saw people sell it here in Labuan
Plus, I wanted to save some money too, to visit my bestfriends :)

So, what I wanted to say here is...
You might not be succesful on your furst step of doing something
but never stop trying and analyze why that happened..
Then, start again and again and again and again
until you achieve your goal :)
Never stop pray to Allah too, because He is the one who will give you the success :)

And when you are on top of your career
never look down on people
because life can turn upside down in a blink of an eye
anything can happen. *note to self*
stay humble and always be kind whenever how hard life hits you *note to self*
I can sometimes be so weak that I let my emotion control over me.
It is important to always be calm and don't let anything brings you down
you may be failed at first attempt but always believe something bigger awaits you :)
stay positive, and proved to the people that you can be successful too
but but but, remember that success doesn't come without effort
work hard and leave the rest to Allah swt :)

For me, if people treat you bad, say bad things to you
the best revenge is to show them that you are capable of doing great things
that will eventually cause them to shut their mouth.
Keep believing in yourself, people. Everyone have their own potential to shine. Have faith :)

-self-reflection-

Write down your thoughts

Peace be upon you readers :)

I love writing
Writing makes me feel free
pouring out everything that I feel in a diary very much help me
in releasing anger, sadness or even happiness
because some personal things just can't be share with other people
it is hard to trust people nowadays
so, the best way to release your stress or anger is by putting it into words
either on a piece of paper /electronic devices

I found that by writing
i feel much better because you can write everything you feel freely
since no one gonna read it except you
and you can always erased it later when you feel you need to *laugh*

I like writing so much that I usually write everywhere
sometimes in my phone, ipad, diary/journal and etc *lol*
and when i get bored, sometimes i read it back
not to get back into the past but,
 to remind myself back that, how far i've been go through this life
sometimes I laugh to myself
how stupid i was back then, getting sad or anger on silly things
but that is how i learned to become a better person

time very much change everything
growth and change takes time
just like Allah swt created the time for the babies to achieved certain growth level
all perfectly well-planned by Allah swt
and i realised sometimes, Allah swt put me into similar  hardship
because by persistent repetition, that is how I grow and remember better

back to writing again... Im going out of topic pula.
I usually write in english, I love writing in english
because Im bad at this language
so, in order to improve this language, i choose to write in english
and even listen to english lecture or movies to increase my vocab capacity ;)

what I usually write?
hurm.. i write very much about everything
sometimes I picked up some good phrase from people
and write it in my HP or paste it on anywhere i able to see often
because i get easily inspired by words
I write about my life in my own journal
or shared some inspiring stories from other people

I think writing has been one of my coping method for stress
it is effective for me, but not for all of us
some people didn't know how to express their feeling through writing
I prefer writing than telling people about what I feel
only to some people that i feel very near to me
and i'm comfortable with, that I usually tell them my story
To those people that are near to me, the one that I usually look for
thank you so much for being there, for listening when i need you
I hope Allah swt grant you what you wished for in life :)
All of you will always be in my prayer...

You know who you are :)

A good end

Peace be upon you dear reader, :)

Im now feeling sleepy but trying hard to fight it
I woke up at 4am this morning
making my friend's cinnamon roll for her office party
Gonna take power nap in the afternoon later :)

I've been hearing sad news these days
people passed away, friend's family, friend's of friend and etc...
Thinking about it often, about death...
I mean, not suicidal thought though *laugh*
but, some self-reminder of how short our life is kan?
Every living will face death
and return to the One created us.

Everytime i heard people passed away,
i said to myself, am i ready? am i good enough to enter jannah?
of course, no one wanted to be in hell kan?
everyone aim to enter jannah..
but am i worth enough for jannah?
Do my good deeds are enough to enter His paradise?
*sigh*

Do you know about the story of late Dr Idzni who've been fighting
for renal cancer but still striving hard to live and keep spreading positive words to people?
I never know her in person,
I only know her through her post in ig, and her viral story in FB
She was recently married for 1 year and she died on her 1st anniversary
She was such a strong soul
when she died, a loooottt of people spreading good words about her
misses her and wishing good prayer for her..
So many people love her and admire her strength getting through the disease

Even I, myself affected by her passing...
I never know her in person but I feel sad too...
Good people will always be loved by others
will always be in other's prayer...
She left everyone with grace and love.

I very much wanted to be remember as a good person too when I died later,
I hope I did enough kindness and I hope when i leave later
people will get inspire with what i did or shared in this world
and will help me get through into jannah, amiinn.
Sometimes you never know, one small deed will change Allah's decision for you in akhirah.
So, don't underestimate the power of good deed even by only feeding the stray animal,
little that we know, the animal might ask Allah to put us into jannah :)  Wallahualam.

-sinner-

Can I be both?

Peace be upon you reader :)

I started my small home bussines again yesterday
I've been thinking to sell cinnamon roll since long ago
but i'm hesitate to do it initially because i thought
no one gonna buy it since not everyone are fond of cinnamon
Little that I know actually a lot of people in my hometown
love to eat the cinnamon roll.. lol
and first day of opening the order, a lot of people requested for it
MasyaAllah, i never expect it to be this so called 'hot selling item' :)
Praise belong to him :)

Back to the story of my home bussines
Since I graduated and not working
i've been trying to start small home bakery
baking some cakes, biscuits, brownies
and most of my customer ordered this through my mom
I made for wedding's door gift, for friend's birthday
made for a friend and some other events like chinese new year celebration and Eid.

I really really really love baking
I like to try new stuff, watching videos of it, googling some interesting recipes,
and I love to feed my families and friends from what I bake
It's normal to have negative feedback sometime
but that is how I learned to improve my baking skill :)
Btw, i never took any baking class before
I learned all from youtubes and reading through the internet
because i can't afford it since im still not working
I really love to but when I surveyed the tuition fees
I need at least rm300 and above to pay for the class
I have no money to pay for it, so the easiest way is to use what I have and learned from it
Im not that expert in this compare to other baker i see from ig and fb
but I never feel that I less than any of them
instead i always inspired by their products
and feel like to follow their steps too
slowly, but surely :)

You know, since graduating from medical school
i feel like doing both
be a doctor and a baker at the same time
how I wish I can be both
Like i've always dream to have my own bakery shop
where you can enjoy reading books, chilling
and having a cup of hot coffee with a sweet desert
and enjoy some leisure time with your favourite person.
Don't laugh but I also wanted to pursue
culinary arts in overseas one day in the near future
like taking a break for awhile from my job
and take short courses in culinary :)
Aaaaaaaaa... so much dream to fullfill...

However, I love my career as a doctor too
I wanted to pursue in obstetric and gynaecology and
planned to open my own specialist clinic in my hometown
for all pregnant mothers and teenagers
am i being too greedy?
I wanted to do both...
can I?
Dream will always be a dream
some things can't co-exist together
you need to choose which one is your priority
I can still bake while im not working *sigh*
but I can't open my own bakery as...
my first priority is to save a life.

I guess i can be both in heaven
If i am worth for jannah *insert sad emojis*

Anyhow, prayer from anyone of you reading this
very much welcome :)
I really need it, may I be a good doctor insyaAllah and be able to achieve my dream. Amiinn.

-Dr 1st, baker 2nd-

                                           I presented to you some of my lil babies :)

Know your value

Peace be upon you dear readers,

This post I wrote dedicated for sisters out there,

Have you ever be in a position where you contemplating between letting go of people or to just stay?
Thinking will it be worth it to stay, to try hard or to just follow the flow without foresee what you wanted in the future?

I tell you sisters,
If you think those relationship are'nt going to be anywhere
and not seeing the clear picture what your aim for the future
it is better to leave as soon as possible before things going to be really hard
because the longer it takes for you to realise that its not gonna worth it
its gonna hurt really bad, i assured you.

You know,
women heart are as soft as cotton candy
maybe softer than that
they can be easily impressed, moved and even easily to win with good words and care
It is fitrah to need someone to be there always
but it is important to always realise that in anything you do
you should have something to achieved in a relationship that you're in now
Not just having someone to chat or talk
just to fill up your leisure time. No no

Dear sisters,
be clear what you want in life
Never ever settle for less,
be bold and never ever give up on finding someone that brave enough
to let you to be into their life,
who've never missed putting you in their future plan
and towards achieving blessed relationship, marriage.

Never ever feel that you are less than anyone else if they don't choose you
because, always believe that someone better is coming
and whatever happens, don't stop improving yourself day by day
always know that you are precious in the eye of beholder :)
Everyone will have their own happiness, keep believing and hoping and praying.

So, sisters,
be brave to ask your partner
be clear to them and always be honest
but never stop being kind to others.
because you never know what they've been through,
have patience as always remember that Allah loves the sabireen. <3 p="">Stay calm and redha.

The moment you took the decision to stop chasing for people acceptance
that is when you know that you are not dependable to other accept Allah swt.
Know your value and don't let others deceived you by their word and action.

May Allah swt makes us sisters among the blessed people and may He makes us istiqomah in this deen. amiin.

Lets always remind each other how precious we are and keep spreading positive words.
Berlapang dada lah :)

-Dr Fina-
<3 p="">-dedicated esp to myself-

Overcoming sadness

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Hi readers, (if i do have one)
As I promised in my previous post
I wanted to share how i moved on with my life
after undergoing tribulation / hardship in life
be it, heartbreak, disappointment, failure and etc

Im sure everyone have their own coping method
and stay with what you think suits you okay?
Im not an expert but Im gonna share mine..

1) Talk to someone
It is important to have someone to talk to. Approach your friend that you can trust and rely on. It is hard to share problem with others but this is one good thing to do because whenever we feel sad, we are unable to think straight. Thus, by sharing it with someone, they might give you some powerful advices that will help you to find solutions to your problem. It is also important to choose the right person to tell to because some people are not a good listener. So, choose wisely and trust me you will feel much better. Please don't shut yourself in your room, it will make things difficult for you. So, seek help and don't hesitate to talk.

Meanwhile, when you are the one who being approach by a friend in need, what you need to do is just lend your ears. Sometimes, people just want you to listen to them, eventhough you have no words to say to them. Be a good listener kay?

2) Surround yourself with positive people, family and friends
As I mentioned before, don't shut yourself out from people. You may need some time for yourself, but not too long. You need to go out with family and friends to lift up your spirit back. Socialize with other people that makes you feel good about yourself. Positive vibe is infectious. Just don't let one person ruin your life. Don't let people who do so little for you control so much of your mind, feelings and emotion. Not worth it!

3) Cry
It is okay to let your emotion pour out on the beginning. You are not robot and crying is one of the best method to let everythings out. Even our beloved prophet cried during khadijah's passing. So, it is okay to cry but always remind yourself, dont grieve too long, it is not good for your eye :) . wipe your tears and be ready to stand back up.

4) Travel, explore outside world, meet new people
This is definitely a very good method for me. Travel heals everything. Go travel, explore other places, be lost, be exhausted, have a good food, meet new people. Travel makes you forget everything and enjoy your journey along the way. If it doesn't work for you, travel more, travel longer. Sometimes, you need to be somewhere far to find back who you are and what your purpose of life. You will get back on track, be sure of that okay?

5) Prostration
The One who will heal everything is God. God is the one who will mend your broken heart. We planned but He is indeed still the best planner of all. Putting hope on other than God will eventually hurt you. Thus, always seek for Him whenever you faced tribulations/hardship because Only Him will give your the strength and solutions to overcome it. Put your trust in Allah and always talk to him. I believe everyone want to be a strong person. So, do you think you'll get stronger without having a hardship? Think about it, hardship is meant to boost up your endurance level so that you'll be able to face greater challenge ahead of you :) Cry to him, get back to him, as He is the most Loving and Most forgiving to His servant.

6) Make yourself busy
Last but not least, try to make full of yourself by doing some beneficial activities. For me, I like to do some physical activities such as going to the gym for weightlifting, hiking, running and rope jump. Exercise makes your body release happy hormone called endorphine which is also a natural painkiller. The hormone will boost your mood and you'll feel better. You can do other various activities to make you forget the pain such as by doing volunteerism or watching some of your favourite movies and dramas. Just make yourself busy, then it'll be fine.

7) Let time heal everything
Last but not least, forgetting something painful will not take only a day. It may took months or even years. It is hard to forget something that once meaningful to you. The memories will played repeatedly on your mind. But as the time flies, memories will fade and one day you'll realise that you feel more calm than before. So, don't force yourself to forget but try to make peace with your past and learnt from it. Believe that everything happens for a reason and glad tidings is waiting for someone who's always patience. Allah love the sabireen. :)

.

So, that's all i wanna share with you. You may have more better ways of overcoming sadness. If you do, pls share with me! I hope this post can help anyone out there who are currently in a process of healing their heart. I pray that Allah swt provide for you solutions from whatever hardship that you are facing now. Stay strong. :)

Lastly, i leave you readers with one ayat from Quran to be pondered upon.

" Allah doesn't burden a soul without it can bear"

-DrFina-

You deserve someone better

In the name of Allah the most Gracious most Merciful

I believe everyone had experience falling in love right?
at least once in their lifetime
Some may have experience heart break
and some may not but may have feel disappointment in life
Disappointment means seeing someone they had a crush on
married to someone else.. kan?

Some people are so loyal that they only let their heart
love only one person in their life
eventhough that person didn't love them back
They didn't want to give themselves a chance to be happy with somebody else
and this kind of person would do anything for them
even by waiting for that person for the rest of their life

people may get impressed with this kind of love
but for me,
it is bad for someone having a faithful heart like that
torturing themselves for someone who didn't even care
and who didn't give a shit for what he/she had been through for them
This kind of person deserves happiness for themselves
and should give themselves a chance to be loved by someone else

So, anyone out there having through hard times
always believe that someone else will appear in your life
someone far more better for you
Always believe that..
 "Allah may take a drop of water from you,
and He save for you the sea".
So, let go of people that leave your life
they are not for you and don't ever think that you will not be happy with anyone else
because you never know what Allah have prepare for you
or what brings you tomorrow.

The time will come,
hardship usually will past and ease will come
always think without hardship you will not value ease
letting go of someone you love is really hard
they said, falling in love is easy, it may happened in a blink of an eye
but forgetting someone you love and the memories took lifetime
I agreed.

But dear readers,
you always heard of "life only once"
So, make the best out of it
there's so much thing to do and to explore in this world
travel, achieve your goal and move on.

I've been through so many heartbreak and disappointment throughout my life
and i've been through loving someone so long that in the end
they married to someone else and currently happy (Im glad they are)
and I have been cheated on, been tricked, been disrespected,
It is hard indeed, I admit I was questioning God for everything that happened before
I blame myself without knowing that it wasn't because of me
but because they are not meant for me, but I was stubborn initially.

However,
Allah is the most forgiving and loving
He always put me back on track
He showed me the way and there's more to be seen than
sitting in your room crying over something that's not worth to be grieve on.
I learned to value myself without needing someone else acceptance
I learned to love people around me more
I grow wiser and I rely more on Allah swt

Hardship makes me near to Him
and time really play a role in changing and moulding me becoming a better person
I am grateful for my past
and I am grateful that Allah sent all these people
making me realised that people will always come and go
and relying on people will end up with disappointment

How did I survived all those heartbreak moment in my life?

Get back on your feet, because nobody will do it for you
and talk to Allah swt, even if you are not in your salah
talk to Him, He will always listen
and be around people you love, family and friends
you are not alone, your world will not fall apart eventhough
someone you love leaves you,
there are more to come, more ahead of you,
be bold, let go and move your ass on.

Ill share what did I do to make myself strong
and how i moved on in my next post insyaAllah.

I used to hate running..

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

I used to hate running during my teenage years
even during my university years, i didn't really like sports activity
However, I played futsal in my first and second year of medical school
that's the only sport that i played that requires me running *laugh
and i never know how i have that interest in the first place *amaze
.....................................

I was an obese girl back then
Since i was a kid, I never had normal BMI
My weight fluctuated from being overweight and obese but never in normal range
That is why running is never my cup of tea

I never enjoyed sports during my school days
because i was afraid being teased
and being laughed at
I had low self-esteem and that makes me hate being in front of people
However, i am grateful that i excelled in academics
Somehow, academic makes me confident about myself
and some people didn't dare to tease me about it

So, throughout the years
i always focus on my academic rather than Cocuriculum
which is not really good because an excellent student should
excell in all areas kan?
But it didnt bother me at all. hahahaha. I didn't care. lol

Fast forward, I was 16 years old
and during that time, i realised its time to lose weight
so, I decided to start on diet (unhealthy diet) and hiking with cuzzie
Alhamdulillah i lost 10 kg's but couldn't recall the timing period
I became thinner but still overweight and still didn't enjoy sports in school. hahaha

Since then, I maintained my weight until i entered university
but i gained few kg's in USM, mybe due to stress and etc
after graduated from med school
staying at home without doing anything very much easier to put on weight
I was in denial phase for a few months
thinking my weight was okay and i still look good
but the reality was, I am overweight almost obese and i look ugly!
sometimes i didn't want to go out because i was embarassed that people might
talk behind me *padahal xda pun overrr*

So, how did i began to enjoy running then?
long story short, my father was so into cycling this year
but somehow, he has a health condition that requires him to stop cycling for a moment
so, he took a break for awhile and starts walking and jogging
He dragged me along every morning to sports complex to accompany him
I did not refused to my father's offer because I very much want to support him on this
So, I followed him every morning

Initially, I was into gym and rope skipping
since I didn't like cardio activity
so, i rather choose hiking and crossfit *weight lifting*
I did it for about 2 months but didn't see any good results on my body
mybe because of my diet intake and lack of motivation
skip that part..
then, I decided to follow my father and tried running
I was soooo lazy initially, and started walking and on and off running
I ran 1km and then the next day walking, then running, then walking and the cycle continues
but then, one day I decided to challenge myself
to increase the distance and improve timing
day by day passed... my breathing improved, I ran even faster and even further!!

and now, im able to finished 4km within 30 mins and each lap less than 8 mins!
how cool is that for someone that hates running?!
Im not bragging about this but I was saying that
sometimes, you might hate something because you are not good at it
but if you never tried, you never know how far you could go. seriously!
So, if you ever feel that you are not talented in certain areas,
you should tried it first and try to work on it.
It took sometime for me to be able to come to this far,
and success didn't come in a day, consistent, patience and dicipline is the key to it

So, never give up on something that you believe you had no talent on it
just go for it, give it a try,
everyone have their own potential
but if you think you still can't do it
then you can always find other things to do that you're good at
as long as you had work on it, there's no regret.

Currently, im in a process of losing weight
and keep on challenge myself to achieve 5km run,
may Allah ease everything and makes me persistent eveyday,
I hope this post inspire you and let's work on improving ourselves!

till then.